RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

To the wonderful people who HAVEN'T been offloading all their emotional shit on me, a great big THANKYOU. You guys are awesome.

Since my recent comments in my blog about various people sucking me into their hugely drama filled lives, and very nearly sending me completely fucking bonkers, it appears that some people are still not getting the hint.. So here it is, in blatant terms that any halfwit can understand...

 

I guess you can consider this the final warning...Yes, I am being a tad nasty right now, but ffs people, I have had enough. 

 

For atleast the next month, I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANY OF YOUR DRAMAS ABOUT ANYTHING. If you are manic, I'm very sorry for your situation, but PLEASE DONT OFFLOAD ON ME. If you are having boyfriend/girlfriend problems DON'T FUCKING OFFLOAD ON ME. Infact, if you have any news that isn't happy news, GO TELL SOMEONE WHO CAN HASN'T SPECIFICALLY SAID THEY AREN'T UP FOR BEING YOUR SUPPORT CREW.

 

That's right people, I've finally cracked it and I've now had enough of people coming to me with all of their stupid little problems that could be easily solved if they would help themselves - so I'm helping myself by removing myself from the situation. I'm not a god damn councellor, so stop treating me like one. From now on, unless I have expressly said "yes it is ok to offload your negative shit", anyone who attemps to vent any of their stupid petty little issues at me will be immediately placed in the too hard basket and promptly thrown away :) Obviously if it is a *serious* problem and you are a close friend, its all good. But if its something petty, I will fucking crack it.

 

If you find what has been said in this entry to be offensive, that probably means that you are one of the people who has ignored the previous hints. Think about that before you bitch at me and tell me how offensive this is.

So here's a pic of me on new yrs. Yes, I look red, that is because I was sunburnt. And look at my manly shoulders! Yeah baby. I'll have to get a decent faceshot without sunburn at some stage :)

 

 

So... Person 'A' has finally turned on person 'B' .. It really was just a matter of time, but atleast person 'B' can get on with getting back on track again now that they won't be playing crazies with 'A' anymore. There already appears to be an improvement in the mental stability of 'B' - I didn't think the improvement would happen so fast, but I'm glad it has. With any luck all will be well in 'B's little world fairly shortly, and then that's one less person I need to be concerned about. I will be so very happy when there's no more dramas being played out infront of me at all.

 

Kinda makes me wonder something though - Now that 'A' has turned on 'B', how long until 'A' turns on me? I'm expecting to be told by 'A' that I need to make a choice about who I am going to be friends with sooner or later so I guess that will be my way of getting a little further out of crazy land. People who know me well know that the friends who try to make me choose are the ones who dont get chosen so fingers crossed I get to escape without having my name dragged through the mud like everyone else 'A' becomes friends with.

 

Anyway, I'm just glad the dramas are starting to die down a bit. That's it for the update for now.

Seems like a silly question, now I don't mean contagious like say a cold or tonsilitis etc.. Allow me to explain..

 

Over the years I have realised that my personality acts like a bit of a sponge and I tend to suck up certain aspects of other peoples personalities and add them to my own. It's not something that I do deliberately, that just happens to be how my personality expands and changes. People who have known me for long enough are bound to have noticed it at some stage. It is one of the reasons that I went from being a once shy and easily embarrassed person to what most people now refer to as a pretty outgoing person to the point that they don't actually believe that I am capable of being embarrassed at all.

 

So anyway, usually my sponging personality is a good thing, and it generally only steals positive aspects (on a few occasions it has resulted in me ending up depressed after spending extended periods of time with highly depressed people but used to take ALOT of close contact for that to happen). But in recent months the shit has hit the fan for a fair few of my friends. I think it is starting to rub off on me. Here's the rundown..

 

Person 'A'

 

Person A has always come across to me as someone who is a tad emotionally disturbed, but hey who doesn't suffer from a bit of depression here and there. But a few things have gone wrong for them and last few months they ended up booking themself into a mental hospital and did the fully medicated crazy ups n downs breakdown. Another friend of mine who we will call person 'B' has become pretty close friends with 'A', and contacted me last weekend to request a hospital visit on 'A's behalf. So me and 'B' visited 'A' together and signed them out for a couple of hours just to get them some air - they were in the hospital voluntarily, no suicidal tendencies etc so it was a safe sign out. Unfortunately person 'A' requested a visit to the pub for a beer - 'B' and I didnt see a problem with one beer so off we went. Then it became evident that 'B' was unable to say no to 'A' no matter how much I said LETS NOT FEED 'A' ANY MORE ALCOHOL IT WAS MEANT TO BE ONE BEER! and 'A' ended up having more and more beer and then some tequilla and I am sure everyone can imagine where it went from there. 'A' flipped out and went AWOL..

 

Person 'B'

 

Person B has always had some anger issues and really isn't very good at controlling their emotions, but still knows where to draw the line on flying off the handle and if they step over the line an apology always follows pretty closely. 'B' also doesn't like to see people in any kind of emotional distress, and this is why 'B' has become attached to 'A'. 'B' has taken on a sort of caring role and has imposed themself as a bit of a guardian. When 'A' went into hospital, 'B' was there every day offering support. After 'A' went awol, 'B' gave swift chase, which unfortunately made 'A' run harder and faster. 'A' was headed straight back in the direction of hospital and being that 'A' had gone into panic mode it was safe to say that 'A' was going back to a safe place (back to hospital). 'B' came back after losing 'A', and then we got in the car and went searching. It didn't take long for me to spot 'A' doing a pretty panicked and crazy (go figure) run along a main road (on the footpath obviously) straight towards hospital, and 'B' decided to try to pull over and get 'A' in the car - I told 'B' not to stop, because 'A' was clearly headed back to hospital and had a plan in their head and if we stopped 'A' would just freak out and change plans and probably disappear all together. 'B' drove back to hospital and was in a bit of a state by the time we arrived there. I then told 'B' to wait at the hospital to make sure 'A' arrives safely, while I got in my car and drove back to keep an eye on 'A's travels without them knowing. 'A' got back to hospital safely, and all was well. 'B' was still extremely stressed.

 

Next morning, 'B' tries to call 'A'. 'A' doesn't want to speak to 'B' - not suprising, 'A' had just had a meltdown. I called 'A' that afternoon, and everything seemed to be settling down, but 'A' still didn't want to speak to 'B' yet. And then came monday. On monday, 'B' was a tad more moody than usual, snapping at people for no reason etc. Later that day 'B' goes to hospital and is diagnosed as experiencing a mild schizophrenic episode. 'B' has now admitted that it was a result of the weekends events.

 

Since spending a lot of time with 'A', 'B's mild form of crazy has turned into alot more crazy than most people tend to experience. They are both magnifying each others crazy a little more each day. Person 'A' has also decided to become quite attached to me, and so I have been spending a fair amount of time with both 'A' and 'B'. This leads me to my dilemma.. Before I started spending time with 'A' and 'B' I had been pretty happy, energetic, and just positive in general. I'd had a couple recent bouts of stress and negativity due to a couple of things that happened around me, but over all I had managed to bring myself back up. Over the last few weeks though I have started to just feel depressed at random times for no reason. Last night I even thought I was going to have an anxiety attack ( I NEVER get those.).. It all seems to be pretty coincidental doesn't it? So.. has my personality sponge sucked up a bit of crazy? Do I show such disturbingly high amounts of empathy towards other people in bad situations that I begin to take on their emotions and make them my own? Perhaps I have my own as yet undiagnosed form of crazy. Who knows - I'd sure like to.

 

The biggest question of all is should I try to save myself by distancing myself from the negative personality aspects that I have developed a habit of sponging and surround myself with people who are 100% positive all the time which is how I like to be, or is it more a case of a little bit of negative is healthy in moderation but in the last 6 months or so I've just run into 10 times more of it than anyone would handle in an entire year. Now thats not to say that if people around me are depressed or sad or a little bit negative I'm going to run for the hills, but can I afford to take the risk of continuing the way I am and slide further and further down until I land at the bottom with 'A' and 'B' ?

 

Perhaps I need to do some work on strengthening my own personality so that the problems of others don't get in so easily. Time will tell.

 

So there you go - any friends who have wondered where the hell I have been in recent times, I've been right here in crazy land.